scattered thoughts

And it was in that moment…

My heart pounded hard. 

I wish you could’ve seen me as I was reading your letter. I wish you could’ve heard me whisper those words. Words that I had pondered on saying but at the same time, I was so indifferent about. 

It wasn’t the same this time. The unconscious feeling that had now surfaced. I wasn’t scared this time. This time, I knew what I felt. I didn’t have to question myself. I didn’t have to question you.

My heart pounded hard.

I couldn’t keep eye contact. I wasn’t shy. I wasn’t lying. I just didn’t know how to say it. But I could’ve just said it. I wanted it to be perfect though. Not perfect in the cheesy romantic way. More like perfect in the real way.

I would stutter. I would pause. I would kiss you in between words. 

My heart pounded harder.

And I said it.

Those three words.

Eight letters.

I looked at you…

It was my fault. I broke my promise. And I hurt you.

“I’m sorry…”

You just nod. You won’t even look at me.

“Are you mad?”

“No…Not anymore.”

I was relieved you weren’t cross with me but I knew something was up. I hugged you. But you didn’t hug me back. I kissed you. You kissed back. But it wasn’t the same. I pulled back a bit so that I could see your face. I gave you a smile. But the smile you gave me meant something more. It wasn’t a happy kind of smile. Right then, I knew you were disappointed with me. I had seen it before. But it was the first time I saw it from you.

Phonecall

You always know how to surprise me. ALWAYS.

—-

I really wanted to see you that night. I knew I wouldn’t be seeing you for a couple of days. I had to see you. We had been talking about our Bora trip. No flights back on the day we wanted. But I wanted to go. I had to go. It was my friend’s birthday. But of course seeing you there was a plus.

YOU: Zzzzzzzzzz

Oh man, he’s falling asleep.

Calling……

YOU: …Hello?

ME: …Hi :) hehehe

I try to keep you distracted. I end up just laughing for a few seconds just so you won’t fall asleep. You can’t fall asleep just yet…

ME: Oh, wait. Go downstairs.

YOU: I am. I’m on the swings.

ME: You are?! …. :D

*beep*

ME: HI.

And I see you. Right on the swings. You’re in your jeans. You don’t have a shirt on. I’m glad it’s dark so that you can’t see me. I must be blushing. I go running to you and give you this big bear hug. You feel so warm. And that big hearty laugh of yours gets me every time. I love hearing it… And I love surprising you every once in a while…

Thank you! I also get kilig as I’m typing! WAHAHAHA

Kilig text messages ♥

“You know I love you, right?”

He was peeking through the door when he said that. I got this sudden rush.

—-

He had been asking me questions like,

“Do you like me?”

“Do you love me?”

“Are you happy with me?”

Of course, I’d always answer YES.

He then asked what would it take for me to get mad at him. The littlest thing that he would do to get me mad was if he posted that stupid picture of my foot! And he just said, “Ok.”

—-

I started walking towards him. I answered, “Of course.”

SPLAT!

Cake. On my face.

The sweetest thing anyone has ever for me. Literally. 

♥

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”

From one of my favorite authors, Mitch Albom. They may not be with us physically, but memories of them and with them live on.

Thanks for taking the time to read our little ‘thoughts’. Lauren and I love having writing outlets. Especially me. It helps me get thru the day.

Future

I don’t know what lies ahead. I’m scared. But at the same time, I’m excited. 

<3 Thanks hun. I usually just write in this little notebook that I have. But sometimes I get too lazy :P So I decided to make this blog :)

I wish I could hug you right now :(